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 ACE Preservation Conference
This was the Coaster Community team’s first trip to Valleyfair and we have often heard that it is very comparable to our home park Worlds of Fun. This had us in full critique mode so everything was being looked at with extra scrutiny. The group consisted of Ron, Art, Sarah, Ben, Shane, Arielle and the wife and I.
The park was clean and attractive for the most part. The layout took some getting used to; it’s a big figure 8 with long paths jetting off each end. Some of the areas were landscaped very well while other areas were nothing more than grass and concrete. If you turn right when you enter the park you wind up in what looks to be an older section of the park. The walkways are older along with the rides. Turning left just past the front gate puts you in a totally different world. Everything looks brand new, the colors are more vibrant, the walkways are newer concrete and the landscaping is lush.
Being the ultimate in man technology I usually refuse to use a map and this left us unable to find any bathrooms. Once the wife forced me into map mode I was still unable to identify enough bathrooms. I think that we used the same facility several times throughout the day.
Finding food was never an issue. Early in the day we hit a corndog stall near the back of the park and this was one of the best corndogs I’ve ever had the pleasure of eating for breakfast. Since Minnesota is basically another country they decided to call the corndog a pronto pup. I don’t know what language that comes from but it’s dumb and should be switched immediately. I have been informed by a local that the pronto pup rocks the hizzy because it's battered coating is wheat based instead of corn. This form of dog on a stick has been a staple at the Minnesota State Fair for decades. The same stall also served fried cheese on a stick. I didn’t eat one because of the giant corndog that was currently occupying the breakfast spot in my stomach but a couple of others from the group munched on them and the reviews were spectacular.
The ACE event included a catered dinner, which included fried chicken, hot dogs, beans (watch out!), and some type of marshmallow salad (yum). If you’ve been to a catered event at a park then you’ve probably had this same meal. It hits the spot but doesn’t stand out and shouldn’t be expected to. Since I have an addiction to desserts we hauled ass to the Ben & Jerry’s near the front of the park for a heaping bowl of ice cream. Every park should have a Ben & Jerry’s and every Ben & Jerry’s employee should be as awesome as the Valleyfair crew. I ordered a hot fudge sundae (a favorite among yeti) and the nice young lady used about a half gallon of hot fudge. If I wasn’t already married I probably would have proposed to her on the spot and she would have said yes because of how tall I am.
The park employees weren’t the most knowledgeable bunch. Park managers and everyone else that looked important knew what they were doing but a couple of the regular employees weren’t even able to point us towards a bathroom. I’m guessing that my impressive physical stature intimidated them and left them unable to think clearly since they were afraid for their lives. All of the Minnesotan’s also made a big deal about the lack of mosquitoes and just 4 hours later when the sun went to bed we were attacked by a squadron of giant blood suckers. I call them a squadron because they were the same size as F-16’s. I will likely itch of the next year or two.
Now for the rides and more specifically the coasters.
Wild Thing: 6 out of 10
This thing was not what I would consider wild. It was fun and included some interesting features like a tiny 2nd hill but there were too many flat spots for my liking. The tunnel was cool and it gave me a chance to yell for no reason at all. We made use of the morning and evening ERT time on WT and never actually waited in a line. Seats near the back were our favorite.
Steel Venom: 6 out of 10
In the middle of the day there was a 5 minute wait. Late in the evening we made use of the ERT time to score a front row experience, which by the way is the best way to ride. I always enjoy a good launch and my love of inverted coasters make these Intamin concoctions a favorite.
Corkscrew: 3 out of 10
We ERT’ed this one as well so no wait was required. I usually look past old Arrow corkscrew coasters because the combination of seat and restraint are uncomfortable for tall fellers. This one wasn’t bad at all. I’m not sure what they did but it made the ride much easier on the shoulders and back. The front row also offers a great deal of leg room for all of you other tall fellers and fellets. Be prepared for a slow ride though, we thought that we were going to fall out during the corkscrew from a lack of forces.
High Roller: 5 out of 10
This was a classic wood coaster that has apparently been trimmed to keep it alive for as long as possible. I barely fit in the seat because of all the padding and since I was jammed in I didn’t really experience any of the air time that the ride had in store for us. The constant braking really took away from the ride. We ERT’ed this one as well and walked right on to the back row.
Excalibur: 5 out of 10
This was only a 5 minute wait with one train running. It was a nice drop and a series of quick turns but the overall ride was a little short. It looks like a mine train and runs like a mine train but didn’t really have a mine train layout. Ride in the back.
Mad Mouse: 4 out of 10
This was a walk-on and didn’t have anything that the other wild mouse rides has. A couple of air time hills did however cause some thigh pain from the lap bars, so be prepared.
Flat rides
XtremeSwing: 9 out of 10
One of the arms was down all day so the line was a bit long. We took a chance and put it off until the late night ERT session and the risk paid off. We were able to ride several times without getting off. This is the best ride in the park and this was mainly due to the Xtreme intensity of the swing (get it?). We had a blast (get it?) on this one. My only complaint was the length of the ride. It would have been nice to have at least one more full swing.
Power Tower: 8 out of 10
This was on the early ERT list so we dropped a couple of times to get the blood flowing. This is still one of the best drop experiences out there and I wish that we had one at Worlds of Fun.
Skyscraper: 8 out of 10
We’ve been on a more extreme version of this so our expectations were a bit high. For only $5 it’s hard to complain though. We had to wait 5 minutes but once we were on it the screaming and laughing wouldn’t stop. When you’re trapped at the top while they load new victims below you get a chance to look around and also check for poo in your pants.
Rip Cord: 6 out of 10
Ben and Shane were the only one’s to ride this one so I’m going off of what they said. They paid $10 and had to come back in 45 minutes to ride. Shane yelled and Ben had that dumb look on his face that he always has (just kidding, he’s actually super smart and also very attractive). Mosquitoes circle this area looking for people with tasty blood and since I’m super sweet they attacked in droves.
Hydro Blaster: 5 out of 10
During our short trip to the water park we decided to hit all of the water rides since we were already in swim gear. We waited 15 minutes and then shot down a totally dark tunnel. You will get wet and you will have fun, unless of course you’re not capable. If you find it difficult to have fun then please consult your physician.
Thunder Canyon: 5 out of 10
The drenching goes beyond anything I’ve ever experienced on a raft ride. In order to recreate this ride you will need to fill a bathtub with water and jump in with all of your clothes on. Repeat this 5 times. Or do like us and wear swimmin’ suits. This was only a 10 minute wait.
Looping Starship: 5 out of 10
This was an early morning walk-on and since it was near the corndog hut I skipped it and ate breakfast while everyone else rode. The reviews were positive from each member of the group. It’s a swinging ship that goes upside down.
Rip Tide: 5 out of 10
After a 5 minute wait Ben and Shane got on. It looks like you’re going to get soaked but it’s all an optical illusion. The ride flips you just out of the waters reach. It will hit you a couple of times but you’ll dry off pretty quick.
Log Flume: 4 out of 10
A 10 minute wait led to a log ride that includes a tunnel and a fair amount of wetness. You can ride this one without swim gear.
Wheel of Fortune: 4 out of 10
It’s a wobble wheel and it was a walk-on. Sarah, Ben and Ron were the only riders. Bob Barker was nowhere to be found.
Chaos: 4 out of 10
You spin and you flip and then you get off. Sarah and Jenni conquered this one on their own. Another walk-on.
Bumper Cars: 4 out of 10
The men in the group did what we always do when we see bumper cars, we pushed children and sickly adults out of the way and we rode it. The cars had good speed and the collisions were of the highest quality. This was a walk-on.
Tilt-a-whirl: 3 out of 10
This was another one for just Jenni and Sarah. They didn’t have to wait in a line.
Ferris Wheel: 2 out of 10
Half of the group rode while the other half tended to mosquito bites. The group that rode did so at night and met yet another squadron of flying insect vampires. It was another walk-on.
Minnesota River Valley Railroad: 1 out of 10
If you consider a highway to be interesting scenery then you’ll love this train ride. Walk-on.
White Water Country Water Park
We took a break in the middle of the day and had some lunch outside of the park and we also went back to the hotel and changed into the swim wear. Upon returning to the park we hit most of the water park along with the major water rides in the amusement park.
Raging Rapids was a great little ride. You wait in a line for a tube and then you wait in line for the ride. The whole thing took about 15 minutes. Once you’re on the tube you’re sent down a ground level rapids ride that bumps you off of concrete barriers. You also go through a tunnel that includes a waterfall. This was one of the more enjoyable water park rides I’ve been on.
Speed Slides looks like fun because of the angle of descent and they are until you get to the end. Here you’re beaten by the pool of water that slows you down as well as the sides of the slide. It was a 10 minute wait.
Body Slides are more fun than the speed slides but believe it or not the tame slide is the best. Fast was actually better than faster and fastest. 10 minutes again.
In summary I would put Valleyfair right next to Worlds of Fun on my list. I prefer the coaster collection at Worlds of Fun but the flat rides at Valleyfair are a notch or two above.
Valleyfair will probably take most visitors 2 days to hit everything especially if they plan on spending a couple of hours in the water park. We had a lot of ERT time so we didn’t have to wait around for the marquee attractions. If ERT wasn’t a part of this visit then we would have skipped the water park.
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